MESSIN WITH HUMOR
You're Not Supposed to Have Fun in Church
I asked A.I. for jokes that a Christian would like.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing. {It should have said potato, since it has eyes, tomatoes don't.}
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman. {a slush?}
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. {I guess there were bugs on the other slide.}
I asked for 20 humorous statements.
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.”
“I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.”
“I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing my opinion.”
“I’m not late, everyone else is just early.”
“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my to-do list.”
“I’m not procrastinating, I’m just prioritizing my relaxation time.”
“I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route.”
“I’m not indecisive, I’m just exploring all my options.”
“I’m not forgetful, I’m just focusing on the present moment.”
“I’m not stubborn, I’m just determined to get things done my way.”
“I’m not being difficult, I’m just being true to myself.”
“I’m not being negative, I’m just being realistic.”
“I’m not being rude, I’m just being honest.”
“I’m not being lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for more important things.”
“I don’t have a bad attitude, I have a good attitude about things that suck.”
“I don’t have a short attention span, I just… oh look! A squirrel!”
“I don’t have a problem with authority, I just have a problem with people telling me what to do.”
“I don’t have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.”
“I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a thirst-quenching solution.”
I asked for Christian jokes online.
https://www.womansday.com/life/a39472639/funny-clean-christian-jokes/
https://parade.com/1196835/kelseypelzer/christian-jokes/
https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-life/christian-jokes-stories.html
http://jokes.christiansunite.com/
This last one has these categories.
Amish Jokes (4)
Animals Jokes (28)
Bible Jokes (14)
Blondes Jokes (16)
Braggers Jokes (2)
Christmas Jokes (15)
Church Jokes (20)
Church Signs Jokes (12)
Computer Jokes (11)
Cops Jokes (17)
Creation Jokes (8)
Crime Jokes (16)
Death Jokes (22)
Doctors Jokes (17)
Drunks Jokes (10)
Faith Jokes (8)
Farmers Jokes (5)
Fathers Jokes (4)
God Jokes (16)
Greed Jokes (8)
Heaven Jokes (10)
Husbands Jokes (18)
Hypocrites Jokes (9)
Internet Jokes (11)
Kids Jokes (14)
Lawyers Jokes (21)
Love Jokes (15)
Marriage Jokes (16)
Men vs. Women Jokes (25)
Military Jokes (13)
Miscellaneous Jokes (24)
Mistakes Jokes (17)
Mothers Jokes (13)
Old Folks Jokes (30)
Pastors Jokes (25)
Pilots Jokes (14)
Politics Jokes (22)
Prayer Jokes (14)
Questions Jokes (19)
Rednecks Jokes (15)
Satan Jokes (6)
School Jokes (17)
Science Jokes (7)
Sermons Jokes (10)
Sports Jokes (18)
Stupidity Jokes (8)
Technology Jokes (16)
Travel Jokes (20)
Wives Jokes (13)
Then I searched on Youtube for Christian humor. And I listened to this one till the end and the end is actually inspiring.
THE END. In about 1978 I was at New Life Farm near Drury, MO and some guy was visiting and he had a booklet of poems or stories by a young woman from Michigan named Gayle Presby, or something like that. One of her stories was called The End. It was about a man who was waiting for the bus. Someone told him the bus wasn’t coming because The End came where the bus was. So the man went into a nearby store and bought some cigarettes with his busfare. Then The End came and it kept going down the street instead of the bus.
Thanks.